Self Love or Self Sabotage?

Do you keep telling yourself that when you lose weight you’ll finally love yourself? Do you often say negative things to yourself in the mirror and shame yourself for not liking what you see?  This belief and behavior is one of the reasons people get stuck and prevent themselves from getting the results they want.

Overeaters commonly approach eating and exercise from a place of self-hatred. It’s no surprise that this creates resentment about taking care of ourselves, particularly when we’ve made it into a form of punishment. It may be tough to think of loving yourself when you have a history of feeling badly about yourself, but we are more likely to change from a place of self-acceptance. When we accept ourselves, we’re more likely to have the energy required to take loving actions towards our bodies – important actions like eating well, sleeping well, and exercising.

Let’s think of it like the difference between renting a home and owning a home. Most people who don’t like themselves treat their bodies like a place they rent, not own.  When you rent, you are less likely to want to invest in making improvements. Since someone else already owns it, you live with the little things you might not like about it. You most likely are not heavily invested in the overall condition of the place both financially and emotionally.

When you own your home, you make it yours and decorate it the way you like. You take pride in the time you spend creating the space and investing in its improvements. The financial and emotional investment increases and your attention to every detail is now part of your focus because it’s yours.

If you are waiting until you are “thin” to live and enjoy your life, you actually create more time to turn to food since you don’t pursue your live as actively as you spend too much time interacting with food and your body negatively. You become an observer rather than a participant in your own life. When you are harsh with yourself, you lose the motivation to take care of yourself and then the pain of self-flagellation sends you to the refrigerator to soothe the pain of the harsh inner critic and the cycle continues.

The first step is accepting yourself exactly as you are today. This can sound easier said than done, but it’s a necessary part of taking care of yourself for the rest of your life. Here are a few easy way to start practicing self acceptance and love today:

  • Keep a Gratitude Journal-write down at least three things you did well every night.
  • Practice Discernment-Surround yourself with accepting, happy, positive people.  Look for people who model what you want and spend more time with them.  Decrease the time you spend with negative, fear based people. 
  • Make a list-Ask your friends or family to share what they love about you and acknowledge what you appreciate about yourself. (such as good friend, compassionate, intelligent, fun, reliable. etc)
  • Notice how you talk to yourself – Is it working to get you the results you want?  Start affirming the good things and disregard the negative habits of criticism.
  • Treat yourself with kindness and compassion– We often take much better care of others than we do ourselves. Practice treating yourself as if you were a child, friend or loved one.

Power over food doesn’t just come from changing your thinking; it has to come from changing your actions as well. When you change our actions, your way of thinking inevitably changes. Take loving actions towards yourself and you’ll find self-care feels more rewarding and self-acceptance becomes more natural.    



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How to Create a New Habit in 3 Easy Steps

We often focus on what we are doing wrong versus what we are doing well- and that can feel discouraging. If you have had trouble changing some of the habits you consider non supportive, focus on creating a brand new habit instead of changing an old one. The attention to the opportunity might give you some positive energy and hope about what you would like to create.

Learning habits that reduce stress is a “keystone” to changing other habits because lower stress levels make it easier for us to be proactive rather than reactive. Keystone habits are those that send ripple effects into our lives and tend to make us improve on other behaviors. Some keystone habits reported by successful weight managers include eating breakfast daily, exercising, food journaling, and mindfulness skills. In order to effectively create a new habit, follow these three steps below.

Step 1: Choose a habit that is very easy to start: If you want to start a new habit and begin living healthier and happier, one suggestion that I cannot emphasize enough is to start small. I call it low hanging fruit. What is something that when you think of it, you say “oh I can do that!”  If you have a positive energetic or emotional response to the new habit you are choosing, you chose the right one. Think baby steps. Let’s use the example of taking your vitamins.

Step 2: Create a reminder for the habit: A good reminder makes it easy to start connecting your new behavior to something that you already do. This is why the reminder is such a critical part of forming new habits. A good reminder does not rely on motivation and it doesn’t require you to remember to do your new habit. Picking the correct reminder for your new habit is the first step to making change easier. Write down a list of things you do everyday such as take a shower, eat lunch, pack your brief case, get your travel mug ready, etc. Visualize your routine from the time you rise until you go to bed and list all of the action items you do every day and then choose one to link to your goal.

Set up a visible reminder for your new habit to link it with a current behavior and it will be complete. No need to be motivated. No need to remember. In the example of taking vitamins, you could buy a pill box and put all of your vitamins in the box. Then linking the pill taking with an activity you already do such as brush your teeth, I would suggest putting the pill box on the counter in the bathroom next to your toothbrush or toothpaste.

Step 3: Create a reward or attach a positive affirmation: Acknowledge yourself every time you complete this new habit. Tell yourself, “Good job!”, “I did well today! or “ Great work, Lisa!” (of course add in your name, not mine).  After you take the pills, either before or after you brush your teeth, look at yourself in the mirror and say “Great job!”

We want to continue doing things that make us feel good. And because an action needs to be repeated for it to become a habit, it’s especially important that you reward yourself each time you practice your new habit. Here are some other tips to help support your new habit cultivation:

  • Post reminders of your goals
  • Read books or listen to audios to keep you motivated
  • Make your environment easy to slip into effective behaviors and difficult to slip into ineffective behaviors
  • Create more rewarding associations to effective behaviors.

You might have to experiment before you find the right reminder that helps you to start a new habit. Celebrating and rewarding yourself with positive self–talk can take some getting used to if you’re not someone who typically does that.  Remember that it is all a process so try to have some fun with it!



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5 Steps to Changing Your Habits

We as a society find it easy to get caught up in the desire to make massive changes in life. Our nightly programming provides us entertainment and often misguided inspiration as we watch incredible weight loss transformations and think that it’s healthy and realistic to lose 30 pounds in the 3 weeks. Watching the Olympics might inspire you back to a sport you love or to hitting your exercise program with more enthusiasm than before and that can be great motivation. However, it is very important to remember that lasting change is a product of daily habits, not once–in–a–lifetime transformations. The key would be to change your habits to help you produce those results you seek.

Before we get into how to change a habit or replace a current habit you have with one that yields you better results, let’s address what is good about having habits in the first place.

  • We need habits to avoid becoming overwhelmed by the details of life, in a way they can protect us.
  • Over a period of time and repetition, the brain converts a sequence of actions into an automatic routine- having a habit can make life easier.
  • Habits help the brain conserve energy, and who doesn’t love that?

If you are at a place in life where your current habits are not supporting your goals, consider taking some time to change those habits. If you are someone who can identify multiple habits that you would like to change, I would recommend you start with one at a time.  Once you have successfully integrated your new habit into your life, you will feel more confident and even excited about changing the next one.

  1. Identify the routine.
  2. What’s the trigger or cue?
  3. What’s the reward?
  4. Make a plan
  5. Find a team

Let’s take a closer look at these 5 steps.

1. Identify the routine: What is the behavior you want to change? Is it night eating?  Are you choosing heavy foods?  Are you stress eating? Do you procrastinate? Do you have impulsive behavior? Are you overworking or obsessing? What is the routine you most want to change?  Write it down.

2. What’s the trigger or cue? What time is it? Where are you? Place, activity or event? Who else is around? What did you just do? Did something happen immediately preceding the routine? I.e. did you see or smell food? What emotions, thoughts, or physical sensations are you experiencing? One of these things is the cue. Look for which one stays the same every time you feel the urge-write it down.

3. What’s the reward? Habitual behaviors are driven by cravings for rewards or avoidance of negative consequences. What craving do you think your behavior is satisfying: the taste of a cookie, a change of scenery, temporary distraction/avoidance or socializing? Do you get a burst of energy from sugar? Comfort?  Feeling in control?  Stimulation? Relaxation?  Safety?  Find the answer that feels the most accurate and write it down. To figure out which cravings are driving a particular habit, it’s useful to experiment with different rewards. As you test each reward, jot down the first three things that come to mind. Set an alarm for 15 minutes. Has the craving lessened in intensity or stayed the same? Keep experimenting until you find something new that satisfies the urge.

 4. Make a plan: Studies show that the easiest way to implement a new habit is to write a plan. For example: When _(cue)_, I will _(routine)_ because it provides me with __(reward)__. Post this plan where you will see it. Try it for a week. Be aware of how it feels. When the intrinsic reward of a behavior (what you feel from doing it) is stronger than the extrinsic (what you treat yourself with afterwards), you’ve got a strong habit.

5. Find a team: Create a support system of people who are on the same path as you are or who have the habits you aspire to develop. People tend to associate with people who act like them Belief in your ability to make changes often comes faster to those who get bolstered by their social groups and see others like them making the changes they want to see in themselves. A strong community can also help make changes stick. State your goals out loud to make yourself accountable. Let others know when you are struggling with an urge. It helps you get out of denial and makes it real.

We need to continually and consciously practice new behaviors for them to become habits (automatic) to overpower old habits. Believe in your ability to change- if I can do it, so can you!  Would love to hear from you below in the comments section.  If you found this article helpful, please share it!  Also sign in at Power Over Food for more helpful tools for your mind, body and health.


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